LEAVING FOR A BETTER LIFE OR ESCAPING YOU: WHY THE SMALL TOWN TO THE BIG CITY MIGHT NOT WORK FOR YOU

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“Changing locations is only the start.”


So many people who are from a small city or town feel that they need out. They wish that they could live somewhere that is other than the their current city. What they don’t understand about leaving the small city and heading for the big city is two things. Number one, the same people exist in the big city as your small town. And another thing, changing locations don’t mean your life is going to get better. I live in New York City, and you don’t land on a plane and just instantly become inundated with all this good stuff and positive energy. You have to shift through the bad energy and make a name for yourself, which takes time. Something a lot of people are not wiling to do.

So why do people look from the outside in, and think that their lives will be better if they just move. See, me on the other hand, I had to leave my former city. The career path I wanted to take, I couldn’t get there where I was located. But I was not running from people or even myself. And that is the key aspect of people’s decision to leave their small town or city. They don’t realize at times that they are running from themselves. Because if you hung out with a crowd of people that were not in your best interest in your small location, you could potentially run into the same people in your new location. Why, well because you are unaware of how to place yourself around good people. People going in the same direction as yourself.

You see, when I was living in my small city, I didn’t hang around people who were not in my best interest there. So when I moved here to New York City, the same rules applied. But if you’re one of these, I need to get away from here people, don’t head to NYC, LA, MIA, ATL, or CHI. Because another aspect of the bigger city are the same people you left times ten. Whatever you ran into bad there is worst when you get here. There will be people in your business, people who look at life through a very negative lens, people who have no goals or hope for the future, and people who don’t want to see you succeed. And not noticing these people in small town USA, may result in you running into the same people in big city USA.

In the end, you are the person that most likely need to change first. Your mind has to be right before you move to a big city. Your senses have to really be heightened and your hustle game must go up even higher. Thinking you’re going to escape the people where you’re from is flat out wrong. You are coming in contact with even worst of the same group. So change your circles in your current city, then make the leap for new opportunities elsewhere. This way, you’re prepared for the new challenges that come with the big jump.


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FIVE IN THE STREET: HOW TO PLAY LIFE WITH HAND YOU’RE DEALT

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“Just because you were born at the bottom, doesn’t mean you have to stay at the bottom.”


For myself, as with many like myself, I am starting my life from humble beginnings. And when I say humble beginnings, I mean growing up poor. My mother is what you would call the working poor. Where one missed day of work, one sick day could have placed her, my two sisters, and myself in a homeless shelter, or worse in the street. But does that mean our lives have to stay that way? No, it does not. Because living in America, we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. My two siblings are currently steadfast in their careers, and am actively pursuing my own path in life. So if you’ve been dealt a bad hand, how do you win with that hand?

Well, for starters, it comes by way of education. At a young age, my mother started to invest in our education. And when I say invest, she didn’t have money set aside for us as children. But she did make sure that the schools we went to were good enough and safe enough. She waited in lines to enroll us in school. She didn’t sleep in the bed and not make an effort to get us into a good school. She made it her mission, at times sacrificing her own well-being. Even though we were in public school, with my oldest sister attending private in high school, the schools were decent. The school wasn’t a place where all the kids were focused on being cool kids. You were encouraged to expand your mind past how you were being perceived by your peers. So you were able to focus on your education.

So now that education was taken care of, my mother cultivated a household where our minds could grow. At a young age she would take us to the library where we took part in various activities: reading, writing, and putting together puzzles (which was an activity I loved). We even had times on Friday nights when she would have long conversations with us about life. Little did I know those conversations and those weekend trips to the library were getting us prepared to deal in life. It taught me patients, hard work, persistence, and dedication. In addition, I also have to not forget those trips to the zoo and museums, where we were encouraged to have an open mind to many different cultures and experiences.

So now that my sisters and myself are adults we can pursue our own endeavors with the confidence needed up to this point to succeed. So what does all this have to do with winning with a bad hand; well, a lot. Everything that I was taught growing up, in combination with my own cultivated intellect, we have always been able to prosper. Now, everyone did not grow up in a household where their talents were nurtured. Some people have some very tough lives that are far beyond my life. But understand, that your story and my story is not unique. There is always someone that looks like you, and have come from where you have come from to succeed. So in the end, there is always going to be people dealt a bad hand. Some will overcome their struggle and others won’t. Sadly enough, that’s just some of the outcomes of life.


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POINTING THE FINGER: WHY WE PENALIZE THOSE WHO TALK LIKE US

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“We love to point, but no one owns their own stuff.”


In today’s society, more and more, we are finding that people love to play the blame game. We love pointing fingers and chastising others for the language that they use. What’s crazy is that we use the same language and will find any excuse as to why we should and others shouldn’t. And to add to it, we have become a very dishonest nation. But where does it come from because it’s not like we’ve been great for so long and now all of a sudden we’re this sensitive of a country. In my opinion, a lot of it has to do with the availability of technology in our society.

Well, what does technology have to do with people pointing the finger. Because we are so connected and not just domestic, but internationally. The local news and major news outlets are no longer the only medium in getting live up to date coverage. Facebook live and YouTube allows the ability to view live real time events. So CNN, FOX, and MSNBC, along with ABC, CBS, and NBC, are all no longer channels we have to get our news from to track a story. But along with that tracking of coverage, we also have the social sites where everyone can have an opinion about anything and anyone. And if enough people come together as a collective, you forge ahead and push an agenda.

Now the only problem with pushing an agenda is that every agenda shouldn’t be the agenda a group is focused on. For instance, comedian and color commentator Bill Maher recently told a joke that was considered racially charged and insensitive toward African Americans. Meanwhile our current Secretary of Education Betsy DeVoe is trying to push a choice program that she was constantly asked will students be discriminated against. And time and time again she worded it in a way that would give districts the ability to deal with that matter. Meaning, discrimination could exist, but the government is not involved, which could lead to a Jim Crow atmosphere. What does this have to do with Bill Maher and agendas. That agenda is way bigger than what he stated, and it’s longer lasting.

Another example of the pointing fingers is how we look at celebrities and say they are public figures. They should not talk a certain way. True, but it also applies to you as well as the average person. Meaning, you shouldn’t say it or do it, but they really shouldn’t say or do it. But you’re both in an obligatory situation to carry responsibilities in society. Yet too often we use the public figure excuse as an undermining means to get away with our own ignorance. And it’s a shit hill, where everyone is getting shitty, but we point at other people’s shit. So celebrities say Trump is president, he shouldn’t talk a certain way because of his position. And you ask them about the language and actions in their environment. They immediately shut it down by saying he’s president. Yet average Joe’s make the same argument against them as it pertains to social responsibility.

My theory on this in society is that people are dissatisfied with life. They want to feel a sense of power, so they try to use your position against you. But when you say all people say this or do this, they never say that those people shouldn’t either. They say things like, “But you’re a public figure.” And there lies the weaseling your way out of responsibility. And the reason I say quality of life is because most of these feelings are not real. It’s just that if you are in a higher position and I am so low, then people think that constitutes being awful, since the successful person has more than them. And if they had to live by the same rules on top of being less successful, their lack of accomplishments are further magnified.

In the end, pointing will never go away. It’s only when the person doing the pointing get themselves into trouble. Then, they are quickly on the defensive about who does the same things in addition to themselves. The overall hypocrisy is what’s sickening. Have a standard that yes, people at certain levels shouldn’t do, but it’s still and action no one should do. Meaning I shouldn’t rape, but Trump really shouldn’t rape, yet neither one of us should conduct in rape against a woman.


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UNDERSTANDING YOUR PAST FOR A BETTER FUTURE

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“Moving toward the future, from understanding your past.”


Why do people find it so hard to move forward in their lives? One of the reasons is they have yet to come to terms with their past. And don’t get me wrong, your past does not automatically translate into future. But something that has happened in your past is a reason you make your decisions today. And if you are not able to understand this past, then how will you move forward. For instance, a woman might be trying to figure out why she has such bad experiences with men. Then she realizes she never had a relationship with her own father. And as the old saying goes, you link up with, as a man or woman, your previous relationship with a parent.

Now that’s an interesting concept; you wind-up with your parent. Because choosing a potential spouse is such a daunting task in itself. So who raises you from childhood to adulthood is crucial. Now, there is no guarantee that you’re going to have a great relationship if you’re raised with these great parents. But statistically, those raised in two parent households go off to have more successful marriages. And if you are having problems with your relationships or finding a successful relationship, look into your own life. Where in your life is there a link between you and your parent. You might also have been raised in good surroundings, but other aspects like controlling parents or not enough transparency didn’t prepare you for monogamy.

What about other aspects of your past that could affect your future. Issues that you have that keep you from advancing in your career. Very rarely have past performances that are poor, lead to future good performances. Unless, you recognize the past poor performances and correct them for the future. For instance, I am currently working on my next short film. My first one was ok, but there are some things I need to correct for my next one. If I am making the same mistakes, then I have not learned my lesson. So career choices in the future can haunt you if not curbed early on. But small things we tend to avoid, and later make those mistakes that effect in a much greater way years later.

Then again, is coming to grips with your past always lending itself to family situations and career? No, other reasons you look into your past, could be how to make the decisions for the future. You want to learn how to save money, well, analyze your past poor monetary choices. You want to buy a house, then lose the ways of renting because you’re the boss now. In the end, we all have something in our past that can determine the outcome of our future. It might be something as simple as adjusting your monetary expenses or fixing your love life. No matter what, be willing to look into your past and figure out what’s holding you down from accomplishing your future goals.


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GOING SOMEWHERE FEELING NOWHERE FAST: DO YOU EVER FEEL IN THE MOMENT YOU’RE NOT ACCOMPLISHING MUCH

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“It’s where you end not how you start.”


Ever get the feeling in life that you are pushing so hard, it feels like you are progressing. You wake up putting the work in, but you are not seeing the progress. Is it because you are not working hard enough or is it because the road to where you want to go is very long and hard? The life that we all want is right there in front of us, but we cannot see it because it is not in the now. And that is something that hurts us in life is the now. In the moment, we have such a hard time seeing the future. Especially if we are in a tough spot in life.

Putting in the work is very important, but if that’s what you are doing why is it so hard to see? It’s because of the society we live in today. We live in a very right now society. Meaning anything we want we can access it right now. And when you want a successful career, it is a long road, that you can not have in the now. The path is long and hard and sometimes you can’t see where you’re going because of all the work you are putting in now. For example, I am on my path to filmmaking and becoming a novelist. I see places I want to be, but there is a process and that process is long and hard. Meaning I have already started with my first short film. I saw any mistakes and have already looked to correct them for my next one. Yet, it still feels at times there is no movement.

Why does it feel that way? I work everyday with a lot of young people who are in the process of building their futures. Then again, you see they go out on the weekends, date, and travel, while I am working on writing and filmmaking. Which leads to another reason that road is difficult to navigate. When looking at your peers, you perceive them to be doing something that you are not doing. I have often worked in he computer lab and thought to myself, could I be doing what they’re doing. Then I come to my senses and realize their path is their path. Even as optimistic as myself, I have allowed such thoughts to intrude. But notice I said come to my senses. Which is something a lot of people don’t do. They allow themselves to be determined by others progress.

And this is evident because you’ll hear them say, “Not everybody can be you.” But that’s not the point is to be the other person. The only reason people look at others is because society holds up this image of what success looks like in the world. But the person who embodies that have chased it on their own, while you chase their embodiment saying, “I can’t be them.” Stop trying to be the society image and be what is out here for you. See, in the end, it is so difficult for people to step outside of what is expected of them. So when pursuing, you can’t see where you want to be because it may be not the norm of what everyone else wants you to do. We find it so hard to see ourselves in a certain position because we never want to put our all into something and it goes nowhere. But you will never know until you pursue.


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