COLORBLIND OPTIONS: WHY IT’S HARD FOR ME TO DATE INTERRACIALLY

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“I commend those who can do so.”


Living in New York City, you become accustomed to seeing interracial relationships. But me myself, I have never been in one. Not because I am not attracted to a woman of another group, but because of the social strain. To those that are able to do so, more power to them. Yet I have not been able to muster up the courage and date someone non-Black. And that choice is because it is easier dating someone within your ethnic group than outside. It’s not how I was raised growing up, but my mother also let me know the reality of doing so. Date who you want, but this is what comes with it. Didn’t make sense to me until I stepped into society and saw it with my own eyes.

When you see how people behave, it is very uncomfortable. And when I say react, I don’t mean stop and stare. I mean the actions of an individual that places me in a weird situation. As much as we say it’s none of people’s business, that doesn’t sink in that your life could be at risk. Dumb as it may sound, there are men compelled to react just by me being on a date with a woman from their group. And what is the woman to do; nothing. She can call for help, but physically she is at a disadvantage. Now, all of this sounds crazy, and to be honest it is. But when in that situation, it must be very hurtful. As for me, I have never been in that position, and to be honest I wouldn’t want to be. But what can you really do; nothing.

That is one aspect of dating interracial I couldn’t handle. But another is the parental/family aspect. There was a fashion model who not long ago opened up about her relationship to a Black man and what her family thought about it. They refused to communicate with him. Almost as if he weren’t standing in the room. But eventually they accepted him into the family. I couldn’t deal in an environment like that. If you can’t accept me for other more serious reasons, then yes, but not racial. And by me playing into you I am feeding the fire. But to him it must have been worth it, because him and this model are married now.

So in the end, to some it’s worth it, but not so much for others. To have to go through the strain of having to defend yourself constantly can work against you. And if you are with someone that could cost you a friendship, family, and even jobs, is tough to accept. We can’t hide the fact that it exist, and I don’t see the problem going away anytime soon. But until it does, this is just a reality.


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POLITICAL ETHNIC CHOICES: DOES ETHNIC CHOICE MATTER IN MARRIAGE CHOICES

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“Is love really color blind?”


Recently on the morning radio talk show The Breakfast Club, social activist and psychologist Umar Johnson was on talking to the hosts. He made a statement regarding interracial marriage that I thought was quite interesting. He stated that marriage is a political decision. And who you marry says a lot about your priorities when pertaining to ethnicity. Which is why he said that if you are an African American marrying a White man or woman you are not only taking them on as a partner, but also this group’s culture. And you are accepting the group’s community as well. Umar was making a distinct connection between what outside ethnic group you marry and your loyalty to your own ethnic group.

And what I thought about right off the back was, is this so? Does marrying outside your ethnicity as an African American renders you devout of self-love and respect because of your choice? And is this really a choice that is stemmed deeply in politics? Because I see Jews, Asians, Indians, and Hispanics stress marrying another member of their group. This is not just Umar who feels this way. Are those other groups wrong for preserving their culture? Because this is what the fight is about, preserving culture. When you marry a group that is different than your own, the cultures can be vastly different. What do you say regarding this, such as Jew marrying a Muslim?

See, in my household, my mother stressed marrying someone you love. And I felt this way, but when I became an adult, and took on my own experiences I started to look at things differently. I don’t think you are less than for marrying outside your ethnicity, but I also am not against people who are against interracial relationships either. Now some may say, how can you feel that way? I myself, as an African American man, couldn’t marry a woman of any other ethnic group if not accepted by her side. Meaning, if I meet a Chinese woman, and her parents/family didn’t approve, I wouldn’t see myself staying. As against them as I might be, I don’t think you should be forced to allow people into your family if you don’t want me there.

Now, that leaves the woman hurt, but that’s a problem she must come to terms with, with her family. You know your family, and you know what they accept and reject. I don’t want to be a member, nor do I want them forced to accept me. My best bet, is to remove myself from the equation. It’s not in my best interest to stay. Because if I were abusive, that’s a reason to not like me. I can’t stay in a situation where you dislike an aspect about me I can’t change, nor would I want to change. So as much as it would hurt the woman, I have to make a decision to remove myself.

Now others might disagree with my decision. They would say, if you love that person, who cares what others think. But to me, as awful as you might think they are, losing family is easier said than done. Are you willing to lose everything that have ever existed in your life for this one person? And if you and this person don’t last in the relationship, you’re completely alone in the world. Sadly enough, people are put into those decisions. And I don’t want to be the catalyst for that decision.

In the end, there are people who think love is color blind. And to me you like what you like. Human attraction is not always a socio-political decision because we are not that type of species. People are mammals that gain attractions to other mammals like us. Ethnic conflict is a social construct placed by man for means of control. There are men who are members of the KKK that are attracted to Black women and Nation of Islam men who have liked White women. It’s not ok socially, no one would admit that, but as humans you like who you like. Yet the social aspect of our society is far more greater than the emotional attachments.


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