COLORBLIND OPTIONS: WHY IT’S HARD FOR ME TO DATE INTERRACIALLY

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“I commend those who can do so.”


Living in New York City, you become accustomed to seeing interracial relationships. But me myself, I have never been in one. Not because I am not attracted to a woman of another group, but because of the social strain. To those that are able to do so, more power to them. Yet I have not been able to muster up the courage and date someone non-Black. And that choice is because it is easier dating someone within your ethnic group than outside. It’s not how I was raised growing up, but my mother also let me know the reality of doing so. Date who you want, but this is what comes with it. Didn’t make sense to me until I stepped into society and saw it with my own eyes.

When you see how people behave, it is very uncomfortable. And when I say react, I don’t mean stop and stare. I mean the actions of an individual that places me in a weird situation. As much as we say it’s none of people’s business, that doesn’t sink in that your life could be at risk. Dumb as it may sound, there are men compelled to react just by me being on a date with a woman from their group. And what is the woman to do; nothing. She can call for help, but physically she is at a disadvantage. Now, all of this sounds crazy, and to be honest it is. But when in that situation, it must be very hurtful. As for me, I have never been in that position, and to be honest I wouldn’t want to be. But what can you really do; nothing.

That is one aspect of dating interracial I couldn’t handle. But another is the parental/family aspect. There was a fashion model who not long ago opened up about her relationship to a Black man and what her family thought about it. They refused to communicate with him. Almost as if he weren’t standing in the room. But eventually they accepted him into the family. I couldn’t deal in an environment like that. If you can’t accept me for other more serious reasons, then yes, but not racial. And by me playing into you I am feeding the fire. But to him it must have been worth it, because him and this model are married now.

So in the end, to some it’s worth it, but not so much for others. To have to go through the strain of having to defend yourself constantly can work against you. And if you are with someone that could cost you a friendship, family, and even jobs, is tough to accept. We can’t hide the fact that it exist, and I don’t see the problem going away anytime soon. But until it does, this is just a reality.


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OH, HE’S BLACK: THE OBJECTION TO DATING BLACK MEN

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“Why they object.”


I read a recent post on Instagram where a statement was made regarding model Ashley Graham. She is currently married to a Black male and stated that at first members of her family were apprehensive. See, if you haven’t already guessed she is White and he is Black. But why, why is it still an issue of whom you bring home of another ethnic group? But most of all, why is it persona non grata, in dating Black men? As a Black male myself, you know all the stereotypes connected. But all men and women have them in some shape or another. Yet it is us who parents are the most against in dating their daughters.

All the reasons for not wanting a female to date Black men I have heard them over and over again. But these same responses exist in other men. People say their reasons as if it is perfection on the other side. Then what is the real reason for not wanting your daughter dating Black men. One reason is that even though we are told racism is not much of an issue today like in the past, there is a fear. You know that if your child does give birth, chances are, it will look more African American than anything else. And you know that people in society are prejudice. It’s easy to say I am lying, but when your grandchild comes home after being teased and discriminated against, it becomes a different story.

You become forced to face the inevitable. How do you tell your grandchild it is all in your head? Easy to say to me, not so easy to say to them when we live in the real world where these types of people exist. But another reason why parents are so apprehensive is because of fear of what might happen to their child. And I don’t mean from the man, but society. She is now in the line of fire just as much as me. Everything he is subjugated to, she is touched just as much for being with him. So it’s yet another smack dab in your face situation. No parent wants to deal with the idea of their daughter coming home crying because she was threatened because of who she dates. But this is a reality when in an interracial relationship.

Well, why won’t people confront their families. I mean, if you don’t agree with it should be easy right; wrong. If anything it’s harder because your family are not people you chose, but they are the only family you have. So if your interracial relationship don’t workout, they have to work. So the tolerance of dealing with family is higher than a relationship because family is more guaranteed. And that leads me to my third reason people are apprehensive. You can lose a lot when choosing to date outside your ethnicity. Because you might not get opportunities because you’re with who you’re with. You think it’s because someone else is better, it might be because who you are dating rubs people the wrong way.

In the end, I don’t think the views will change that much. I know me as a Black male, and as a overall human being. If people are not willing to accept me for me, I don’t believe I could deal with it. But I guess some people want the other person that much. And I guess that’s what it boils down to; how much you want that other person. Others are not willing to give up that much, but some are, and for the ones that give everything up, it’s worth it.


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Interracial Dating: Does It Matter?

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“Is love really color blind?”

I myself have never been in an interracial relationship, but I see the struggle. To say that people have an uphill battle when living their lives together is an understatement. You’re under constant pressure to always defend yourselves when faced with opposition. But are there exceptions? Do we accept interracial dating for certain groups and not others? Is this more of an isolated situation? It’s tough, but you have to look at both sides in regards to people choosing to date outside your ethnicity.

What are both sides? Well first, let’s look at what we mean by interracial dating. In the United States, when referencing interracial dating we pay more attention to Black and White people dating. We don’t get into the topic of Puerto Rican and Chinese; Indian and Tai; Saudi Arabian and Brazilian. In America, it’s typically Black male and White woman; White male and Black woman. But just that description is enough to confuse people. The problem starts at the color designation. This nation has been color constructed for so long as a means to designate a group your opposition or enemy.

The issue that people have with interracial dating is the idea that now you are forced to face those hidden emotions. Now everything is in your face; something a lot of people don’t like to see. But why is it anyone else’s business what life you lead. Because as much as we don’t like someone telling us how to live, we feel we have to voice in others’ lives.  But which interracial situation causes the most problems. In my opinion, Black males and White females.

There is this coveting that pertains to White females and this looming cloud over Black males. But I learned something that no one really wants to talk about regarding the matter. It’s about the esthetics of the female if it matters to White guys and Black women. If the female is pretty it makes the White guy more upset and if the female is ugly, it makes Black women more upset. This sounds ridiculous, but it exist on both sides. If the Black woman is unattractive then Black guys could care less. The only exception  is that you never hear White females speak outwardly about any of this.

So basically, it doesn’t matter to a great extent the ethnicity as it is the physical attractiveness and success of the person. In other words, you make yourself appear like you care, but ostracize within your own group. These are the things that people in interracial relationships have to deal with in society. Now is this an isolated situation or is it national. I do think it exist throughout the country, but it’s more overt in certain regions.

Even though the it has been over 50 years since the end of the Civil Rights Movement, there are still pockets of America that are against interracial dating. The more known places are the South and Midwest towns and cities. You can’t see it as openly on the West and the East because they are more liberal. So, living in a city like New York City or Los Angeles is a different lifestyle compared to a small town in Texas or Indiana. Whatever the case may be it takes strong people to deal on a daily with the ignorance of people in our society.