INTERNAL ABYSS: HOW TO FACE THE HURT THAT IS YOU

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“Fighting the me inside of me.”


Ever feel like you’re having one of those days when you have the internal feeling of fighting something. You either know what it is or don’t know what it is. But whatever the case may be, it has you fixated on nothing good in the moment. It’s that feeling you get when nothing seems to be going right. The feeling you get when you are sluggish and unmotivated. When you’re beginning to contemplate why are you alive and what are you doing with your life. And that my friend is the sign of depression. You have the strong case of hurt, pain, anxiety, and stress. It is sometimes an onset of emotions, and other times it is prolonged. So where does it come from?

In my own life, I have battled depression. I have always wondered where it came from, and now that I am an adult I now know. And that depression that hit my world came from childhood and adulthood. From childhood, it had a lot to do with the idea that I was always afraid of everything. I wouldn’t even climb the tree like a lot of children when my cousins would be outside. My fears kept me from doing so much, that now I look back and wonder for what. What was my reason for being so scared of so much. One of the reasons is because guys in my community were going to jail and getting killed. So to keep from being a statistic, I thought it would be best to fear everything: jail, death, even life. My other reason for fear was not having a man in my life to teach me how weak it was to fear what I was fearing.

But that fear does not stop there in my life. It follows you into adulthood. My adult fear was becoming a parent when I know I don’t want children. Yet, I do want relationships. And if a woman want a child, oh well, yet now you have a kid here. So now she is making a decision involving my existence that I want no part of. So I have lived in isolation because of it. And that isolation tends to make one depressed. But since finding writing, it has made me cope with any internalized problems. So now that you know a little about myself, what about you? What makes you fight the internal thing that is you. I know that the flip side of me being so afraid, it has given me urgency and focus on important aspects of life as well because I am not as spontaneously crazy. So how do you fix the you inside of you?

You have to bring yourself to a place that will drive out the good in you. Meaning, find things you love that you are good at as well. And then work to be great at those things. Everything else will fall to the waist side. But if your mind is only in the frame of the hurt and pain, and you can’t get past that, you will always be depressed. And in the end, that always being in a state of depression is what’s the killer. Because looking over life you’ll be more hurt that you never made the initiative to do something about your life. And by that time it’s far too late.


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FIVE IN THE STREET: HOW TO PLAY LIFE WITH HAND YOU’RE DEALT

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“Just because you were born at the bottom, doesn’t mean you have to stay at the bottom.”


For myself, as with many like myself, I am starting my life from humble beginnings. And when I say humble beginnings, I mean growing up poor. My mother is what you would call the working poor. Where one missed day of work, one sick day could have placed her, my two sisters, and myself in a homeless shelter, or worse in the street. But does that mean our lives have to stay that way? No, it does not. Because living in America, we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. My two siblings are currently steadfast in their careers, and am actively pursuing my own path in life. So if you’ve been dealt a bad hand, how do you win with that hand?

Well, for starters, it comes by way of education. At a young age, my mother started to invest in our education. And when I say invest, she didn’t have money set aside for us as children. But she did make sure that the schools we went to were good enough and safe enough. She waited in lines to enroll us in school. She didn’t sleep in the bed and not make an effort to get us into a good school. She made it her mission, at times sacrificing her own well-being. Even though we were in public school, with my oldest sister attending private in high school, the schools were decent. The school wasn’t a place where all the kids were focused on being cool kids. You were encouraged to expand your mind past how you were being perceived by your peers. So you were able to focus on your education.

So now that education was taken care of, my mother cultivated a household where our minds could grow. At a young age she would take us to the library where we took part in various activities: reading, writing, and putting together puzzles (which was an activity I loved). We even had times on Friday nights when she would have long conversations with us about life. Little did I know those conversations and those weekend trips to the library were getting us prepared to deal in life. It taught me patients, hard work, persistence, and dedication. In addition, I also have to not forget those trips to the zoo and museums, where we were encouraged to have an open mind to many different cultures and experiences.

So now that my sisters and myself are adults we can pursue our own endeavors with the confidence needed up to this point to succeed. So what does all this have to do with winning with a bad hand; well, a lot. Everything that I was taught growing up, in combination with my own cultivated intellect, we have always been able to prosper. Now, everyone did not grow up in a household where their talents were nurtured. Some people have some very tough lives that are far beyond my life. But understand, that your story and my story is not unique. There is always someone that looks like you, and have come from where you have come from to succeed. So in the end, there is always going to be people dealt a bad hand. Some will overcome their struggle and others won’t. Sadly enough, that’s just some of the outcomes of life.


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FROM SUCCESS COMES GUILT: WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL DOWN ABOUT THEIR SUCCESS

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“I’m winning, but do I deserve it?”


You’re young, successful, and life couldn’t be any better. As a matter of fact, life is so good, you often feel like why are you coasting so easily. Now what’s interesting about that statement is that you built yourself to where you are in life. Yet when you look at your life, you have given so much to be where you’re at. Why are you feeling this weird sense of guilt, or undeserving feeling of you getting what you have today? It’s because when you see how the dynamics of how the world actually is built, you think to yourself, “How the hell did I get here?” But most of all, you’re seeing people around you work so hard, yet go nowhere.

Now, I also look at where you have come from as it pertains to your socioeconomic situation. If you grew up poor, and now you’re upper middle class, then you go back home and see poor people. People you know very well are hard working people. They’re not lazy, they’re not bulking the system, so why are they struggling and I am not? Why does it seem like money is coming to me so easily and they struggle to survive? You sit on the lakefront overlooking the landscape with your 5,000; 6,000; or 7,000 square foot house in the background. You look around and say to yourself, “Why me?”

But then you have to snap back to your senses and say, “Why not me?” Especially if you came from humble beginnings, you deserve to have what’s coming to you. But it’s sometimes more than just that in life. Sometimes, some of us are blessed with the ability to retain more knowledge, or just born with more knowledge. And that would mean you hit the genetic lottery. You are of the few that are able to use your mind to move yourself to another level. The things to some people that make no sense, flow through your mind perfectly. Now most would say, “Why don’t you share that knowledge?” And you do, hence, why you have so many people who struggle. Not because you shared your knowledge of success, but because how some of them receive the information.

You might share how you made it, and they ignore, or discredit what you’re saying. So it becomes tough to share with people sometimes because they have this disconnect that causing them to not want to accept the truth. Yet, you are of rational mind. So when two people of rational mind talk, yet only one can accept the rationale, then you have a disconnect. And in the end, that is why you shouldn’t feel hurt by where you are in life. Life is all about choices. Choices to listen, to work, to enjoy your life, and to part take in activities you shouldn’t do. And you should never feel like where you have come is some kind of mistake. Because there is always someone feeling and living worse off than you; so live life and enjoy.


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CONSOLIDATION: SHOULD THE U.S. JOIN TOWNS AND MAKE BIGGER CITIES

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“Too small to stabilize.”


New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, Atlanta, Houston, Philadelphia, Boston, Seattle, Las Vegas, and Washington D.C. These are just a few of our more well-known major U.S. cities across the country. But for the most part, America is comprised of a lot of small cities and towns. Places you have never heard of, yet Tree in Front of Establishmentthey sustain themselves. But is it time we start to consolidate some of these really small places. I am not talking about a city of 100,000 plus citizens. I’m more so referring to towns and cities with 5,000; 15,000; and 20,000 citizens. We should now make the leap and start bringing these place together. Instead of five towns around each other that have populations of 15,000; 10,000; 20,000; 12,000; and 25,000; we build one city of  82,000.

Why might even add a few more towns around these other 5 places and create another major city. Since coming into office, President Trump has been slow to really get into the employment situation in America. He made a pledge to bring back American jobs. But the reason why that would be a difficult feat is because we have too many of these small cities and towns. Trying to build infrastructure around a city of 25,000 is impossible. To be honest, anything below 100,000 becomes a difficult task. Now, if you’re from one of these places, you might take this as an insult. But you have to understand how an infrastructure where jobs are created manages to sustain. New York City where I live, for example, is a perfect place to build.

The city is roughly 12 million inhabitants, 65 – 70 million tourists, and potential for so much real estate development. So if you have enough capital, you can build a architecture, buildings, citylot in this city. But the city where I grew up is only 78,000 people. And the problem with a lot of these small places is that they were once manufacturing towns. Now, there is potential to turn the city where I am from into a distribution center. There are so many open factory spaces that are vacant. These buildings can be converted into space to house inventory. Thus turning the city into a distribution hub. But when you’re talking about building or bringing together these types of plans, you run into some problems. And no, I don’t mean actually building, I mean the people.

A lot of people from these small places are resistant to the change. They want life to stay the same, and this is just impossible. With improvements in science and technology, a lot of these small unknown towns/cities will be ghost towns. With an aging population and young people headed to metropolitan cities, these towns will eventually die. I was looking on the internet earlier this morning where you could buy a town for sale for some places as low as the price of average American home. These once booming industrialized towns are now backdrops for what could be a wild west movie. And in the end, these places that once served communities in building a life for oneself is no longer the case. Some of these towns/cities were started the same time as our major cities, But as the metropolitan cities grew, these small places failed to innovate and were left behind.


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MINDLESS MINDFRAME: HOW LEAVING YOUR SMALL TOWN MAY BE FOR THE BEST

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“When you think big and they think small.”


Do you come from a small city or town? Are the people where this place exist carry a certain mind frame that causes you to disconnect from them? Me myself, I come from one of these type of places. The city is a place you probably never heard of, and a population of only 78,000 people. A lot of the younger generation continues to still move away. And the population is still continuing to fall as time progress. Well, why is that? Why are the people leaving this seemingly quiet town. Well, first and foremost, the jobs have left. What was once a thriving Midwest manufacturing city has been reduced to vacant factory buildings. But another reason is because of the thought process of the people.

You probably ask, what makes it tough to live in some of these types of places. For starters, people have a hard time seeing past their current situation. To them, this is it, and there is nothing past this. And not just in a negative I am a failure way. But also in a manner where whatever is the well-known organization to work for, people flock to it like it’s working for Goldman Sachs. People walk around like this place to work for is the greatest and if you can’t get a job here, you must not be worth hiring. It’s like, “I’m a supervisor over at this place.” It’s about levels, as with anywhere else in society. Yet the level is not a real level. They are sharks in a pond, but when but in a bigger city, they become clown fish in the ocean. But what is another reason to leave your small city/town?

Another is how people look at the world as it pertains to the social landscape. I was walking down the street here in New York City, and a guy had on a baseball cap. The logo was of the Confederate Flag, and in addition he sported some sunglasses. And judging by the way he was carrying himself, he thought he was making a statement. Almost as if he wanted to say, “All these others are afraid to express themselves.” “But I’m going to be me in this overly liberal environment.” And sense the language is so sensitive, he thought people would react. Because he probably watched protest in NYC on television and figured he’d express himself. Yet no one told him on a daily basis that no one pays much attention to you. But his lack of knowledge made him look like a loser in his hat. Because he just watched TV like Fox News or CNN, and that’s how he based his perception of a liberal city.

Other reasons you have to make moves from these places is because few people have a sense of vision. People look at you and say, “No one from this small town is doing that.” And if you attempt, people will try to bring you down so you have to leave. They will be afraid of your progress surpassing them. And they think they know you because whatever family you came from as well. Kind of like, “Oh, that’s so and so’s kid.” “I been knowing his family, they up to no good, he must be as well.” So you have to go to a city where no one knows or think they know your family. This way you can start from scratch and represent yourself. And in the end, that’s the just of moving. There is a mind frame that people define as comfortable, which keeps them from growing and you as well if you stay. But lastly, don’t move elsewhere thinking your life will change. Because you have to think different yourself.


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NOT QUITE THERE YET: ARE YOU NOT IN THE PLACE YOU WANT TO BE IN LIFE

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“The long arduous path that is success.”


Have you ever had the feeling like you’re not in the place you want to be in life? Like you should be or thought you would be a lot farther by this point? Well, I am about to turn thirty years of age and I am working toward a career as a writer. While working toward this career, I am working two part-time jobs. And that sounds fine when you are a twenty years old, but not when you are thirty. Because when you are thirty, you are supposed to be a certain place by this time. You should be on your way to finding your first starter home and thinking about children, not writing. But I am pursuing a career I love, rather than a job I have to go to everyday.

So here I sit, in this moment writing. And to cope with the long road to writing success, I try to observe those that started around my age. And you see they had their first success at about mid to late thirties. Now I gave myself a ten year time period to break in as a successful writer of screenplays, playwright, and novels; with a little lightweight film/theatre directing. Now that I have gotten myself out of the way, what are you pursuing that your life isn’t where you thought it would be? We have all these visions when we are children of the things we will do as adults. But when we become adults, everything is up in the air once you are in the world on your own.

And everything is really up in the air if you have no clue what you want to do with your life. You typically spend all your time working, then coming home and existing. So the days turn into weeks, then weeks to months, and months to years. And before you know it, life has past them by, and they have not attempted at anything in life. And that is the scary feeling people have of not quite being there yet. They even see people their age making life decisions, going in the right direction. Yet they are still not there themselves. So they find any reason to avoid people they know out of shame. Why, well because we always compare ourselves to people that are around our age.

But what happens once people younger than yourself start making moves in life beyond you. That’s when you really start to feel uncomfortable. Seeing a new younger generation making moves that you feel you have not made yet. And what’s crazy, that young age group will feel the same once they reach my age. See, in the end, we don’t want to live with the failures. But we also don’t want to live with the idea of people saying I told you so. Trying at something and constantly failing at it over and over again. But I remember reading a quote by Thomas Edison which stated, “Many of life’s failures didn’t realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” But the real question is, how do you know when you’re close?


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A NATION IN LIMBO: HOW SATISFIED ARE YOU WITH THE PRESIDENCY IN AMERICA SO FAR

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“Only 15% into the term, yet so many problems.”


Since the presidential inauguration of Donald J. Trump as our Commander in Chief, there has been constant controversy around his presidency. From the comments he’s made that were deemed insensitive, to the link between him and Russia in an alleged tampering with the election. Now, there is even more controversy, this time circling the appointment of the new Communications Image result for trump inaugurationDirector Anthony Scaramucci. The former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer recently stepped down amidst the bringing in of Scaramucci. But it hasn’t been a full two weeks and Scaramucci has already stepped down already himself. The first story came out regarding his filing for divorce, then him stepping down. So now my question is, what will happen next in this administration?

While all this controversy is going on, we still have a nation with high unemployment, and people are becoming frustrated. Yet if Trump can’t shake the Russian controversy, fix the healthcare bill, nor maintain the travel ban, how will he fix employment. He made a statement regarding employment that he would levy tax on corporations shipping jobs overseas of 35% if they weren’t bent on Image result for american unemploymentreturning those jobs home. But with the world moving more in an automated direction, there is no purpose to preserve the industrialization of America. And I don’t know why the United States is stuck on factories anyways. This isn’t the 1900’s, we are in a more tech savvy environment. We need more engineers, managers, operational people, information driven people, and marketers.

But the American population, especially people in select regions don’t want to hear any of it. And a lot of these places for years heavily depended on the factories for a living. Only problem is that there are cheaper methods of building in our world today. And in order for America to stay competitive in the market, we can’t Image result for american factoriesgo back. Still, Trump supporters would say that this is just more liberal bull. That America can bring jobs back. But anyone that knows even a basic understanding
of the market knows this is false. For example, the priceless metals in our cell phone is in countries not indigenous to America. So if America bring factories here making cell phones, then labor drives prices up. Two things would happen: 1) Americans would have to spend more for items that they already struggle paying for now; 2) other countries can outbid America for raw materials.

So what do you do when China wants to make a cell phone. They charge few dollars and hour for labor. Since they do so, they can charges pennies and still Related imagemake a profit to stay in business. It takes $30, $40, and even $50 per hour to raise a family. Can you imagine how much a company wold have to charge for cell phone to recoup what’s lost for American made products just because of labor. So now you’re talking an iPhone made in America would skyrocket. Trust and believe people are buying the Chinese bought product. Because a large part comes down to labor; labor is just cheaper outside of America. Meaning America will have to change from an industrialized to an informational country. We have always been ahead of the curve for so long, and going backward won’t help.

In the end, Trump has made some pretty serious promises. But the biggest is not the healthcare, nor is it the borders. Trying to force company’s hands over jobs is going to be impossible. Because if the government won’t listen to him on the travel ban, then he’s not getting through with the 35% tax on companies. So now it’s a waiting game. People’s fingers are crossed, hoping for something, anything to happen.


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