SWITCHING UP THE CONTRACT: WHY THE BEGINNING IS NEVER THE REAL DEAL

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“Signed and sealed.”


Ever get the feeling that you signed up for a relationship that is not winding-up like you thought it would pan out. You met this person one way and they switched up on you the moment the relationship started. When you first met them, whatever you loved about them changed. You feel like you’ve been robbed and cheated of something you were promised. It’s like someone buying you a gift for Christmas with beautiful wrapping paper, then the box was empty inside. Imagine the frustration at receiving an empty Christmas gift. In the beginning, you both gave each other a sheet of paper to sign. This was a contract, and you were supposed to hold up your end of the bargain. But after a while the contract was forgotten about and shelved. Now the person is in breach of contract for the breaking the rules of the document.

For so many who experience the break in contract, you feel cheated like I said prior. I hear everyone put their best foot forward, but come on. We are all on our best behavior, but you’re talking the person completely changed their entire identity. That is not putting your best foot forward, that is lying and portraying yourself to be something that is absolutely nothing of who you really are in a relationship. So what do you do if you’re experiencing the change up in contract? If you’re dating, you can easily end the relationship, but not in marriage. In marriage, you’re stuck in a situation that you can’t get yourself out of, even if you tried. So, with any contract that you can’t break, you have to hopefully pray that the other person breaks before you do. And if someone doesn’t break, you’r stuck in a partnership you can’t afford to leave.

And why do people switch up the contract, it’s either because they lied about who they are, or they can’t keep up the persona that they introduced to you. The lying exist because these people are miserable and want someone to revel in their misery as a couple. But for the most part, people have a hard time maintaining the person they say they were in the contract. And whatever made you desired is lost because that desirable thing you had was intricate to the contract. So the desire becomes lost; but what’s funny is that the desire can come back. Yet most people give up after a while and the contract is null and void once there was a initial breach in the beginning.


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SOCIAL OVERSHARING: WHAT EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS ON SOCIAL MEDIA SAYS ABOUT YOU

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“What did you just post!”


“My baby mama is taking me to court for child support.”

“My boss is a douche bag.”

“My boyfriend is cheating on me.”

Do you ever get the feeling that people share way too much on social media. I have always wondered why people do it, until I looked a little bit deeper at the problem. And the reason why people share is much more sinister than you think. There is this personal relationship we have with the people who follow us via the internet. But the relationships are not real, and it keep people in your business on a daily. Very few people know what is going in my personal life unless it’s something dire. I understand when people share things like, “Rest in Peace,” to a person close in their lives. But the people who tell their personal business, please stop oversharing. But like I said before, what is the reason.

In America today, we have all these friends on our social media, and yet we are more isolated than anytime before. How is possible you have a 1 million “friends” and yet be so alone. Well, social media has given a voice to the powerless. It has given a voice to people that without the social media platforms, their lives would be even more boring than it is now. Social media shows you how alone people truly are in the world. And then when people use that information we put into the world against us, we get upset. But once you put your information out there to start with, you’re open for ridicule. So why not just put down your social media. Because it’s addictive, that’s why. So what have we become, nothing but merely slaves to our own vulnerability. So you must put the media that you indulge in down for just a second.

Another aspect of social media is that our society has turned into a society of unintelligent inhabitants. From texting and tweeting sentences that are not thought out and abbreviated to fit the character limit. To the only reading of the header and viewing the photo in an article, then commenting on the article that you saw without knowing the full information. And wind-up sharing an opinion that has absolutely nothing to do with the article above the comments. And here lies another issue with the social media usage is that people have become lazy. People don’t want to think: think in regards to writing and think in regards to reading. And in the end, this social media era is going to be the downfall of so many while a few capitalize in a big way. People are lonely, and have no one to converse with, so we seek validation from a community of people at times we don’t even know. Then get angry when we’re judged after putting the information out into the world.


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PLAYING GAMES ONLY YOU CAN LOSE: WHY WOMEN IN PLAYER WORLD GETS HURT IN THE END

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“Two can’t play the game.”


In the world of dating, both men and women tend to play games. But there is a catch when it comes to the world of playing games. And that is that only one person winds-up getting hurt. And usually it is the woman that gets hurt. Why is that; why is it that the woman is always getting hurt? Well, because the woman cannot win at the end of the day. Now if you’re a woman, you might think to yourself, that’s not right. But in reality it is true; you are far more likely to get hurt. Now mind you, once again, I am talking about the game of playing, not just your typical monogamous relationship. When you’re in the game of playing, there is generally a winner and a loser. But let’s get into the reasons why the woman get hurt at the end of the day.

The reason the woman gets hurt in the playing game is because when you look at the game, there is a shelf life associated with women playing the game. Almost like looking at yourself as an athlete. You come into league running and jumping like everyone else, but you start to get older. And the problem with getting older is you can’t run and jump on the basketball court like you used to. You have to learn certain skills to stay in the game. Only problem is that it’s a young woman’s game to play to try to win. So now you’re 35 years of age in the arenas of 23 and 24 year old girls because you want to stay relevant to the men that are chasing after them. And with no prior exit strategy, you find yourself alone while he goes off into the sunset with someone else. And this happens due to the standards of men versus women.

Men and women have similar but not same standards, especially in the playing game. Women “need” a man worth something to play, and the man can be with whatever. Because he just needs an attractive woman, and what you need is harder to come by in the game. So you’re really becoming subservient to whatever he’s willing and able to do. Basically what I’m saying is that in the world of playing, you really can’t hold us to anything because we can always get another woman. You as a woman can’t just run out and easily get another top notch, successful guy to be with you. Now, I’m not talking about on average, I’m talking in this playing game. Your standards in the game are higher, so you are in a more compromising position than we are in the game. Let me go even further and describe how it can hurt you.

On average, a man looks for a woman he’s compatible with, and vice versa. But in the playing game, your age is a major determinant as a woman. I’ll give you another example, you trying to play is like the drug game. The woman is equivalent to the guy standing on the street corner while we as men are more like distributors or cartel bosses. You take on the most risk as women, and usually come out the most hurt. And in the end, that’s why women may not want to play. And if you do, have an exit strategy. Because two people can be hurt in the game, but more often it’s you because your standards are higher. We can marry the first thing we see, you generally don’t live by that same creed.


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BRINGING YOU TO THE EDGE: WHY AS MEN WE MUST CHECK OURSELVES

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“Don’t let her make you just as emotional.”


 When we get in arguments as men, we tend to get to the same level of anger as the woman in the argument and it boils over. You are being pulled into this person emotionally, and cannot let that get to you. And the reason is because as men once we get emotional, it becomes how can I hurt this person the most. What can I say to get this person to shut up. Why, well we’re in charge of physicality. And that is not to say that as a woman you are this lesser in society (we know that given you birth our children). But what I will say is that men tend to carry ourselves in a more physical way with our emotions, whereas women are more internal. And what do I mean by men not letting the woman’s anger get to you; this is what I mean.

In any argument, one person is always trying to gain the upper hand over the other person. And with that comes insults that are thrown for what appear to come from deep down inside. And with the person trying to gain the upper hand, you will always have someone say something that they regret. And usually, it is us as men. Why is it us as men? The reason why us as men get to that point because once we reach the boiling point we try to hit you with anything to tear you apart. It’s to crush anything and everything you thought you had inside to give. But it most often result in us stopping before hand. Because that realness in how we feel could cut you deep. Which might ultimately make you out to be worse than the woman you’re arguing with.

Now, men typically say things we feel out of rage when feeling rejected in some sort. So we stoop to a much lower level than the woman to try to make her feel less because we can’t have her. And it has to do with checking our egos. But the other reason is that we hate to lose arguments so we say the worse thing we feel to win. Because in life to men, this battle is a zero sum; there has to be a winner and there has to be a loser. And in the moment of fighting, I have to win and you have to lose. So we will try to bring you down emotionally, to bring ourselves up in the fight. So in the end, we try to win at all cost, or least end the conversation when we want to end it. And once we feel we have lost control, we go to extreme measures to end the conversation. But what we really end of doing is saying something that shows us in a much worse light than the woman.


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LEVELS: WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF A LEAGUE IN DATING

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“Is your league a real league?”


When you’re young, you ever hear someone say that you should date in your league? But once you start to get older, you realize that a lot of the leagues you thought were real leagues are not leagues at all. And that is when you are able to navigate around the a lot of the loud noise that you can’t date someone that society says you are not supposed to date. But what is it? What are real leagues? Because when you are young the league is based around what clothing you’re wearing. Or better yet, how physically attractive you are; from your body type to your facial region. You are also determined by how up to date you are on the latest gadget everyone owns. But then you age and realize the true meaning of a league. And that’s when your mind starts to really open up. So why don’t you see that at your young age?

The reason you don’t know what a league is, is because there is to some degree a lack of self-awareness you have when you are coming through your teens and even your twenties. You’re also not as well traversed about the world around you. A league is much more important than just the article of clothing and your body type, it’s how far you’ve come in life thus far. Where are you in relation to most males and females your age. Now this can be difficult because we all have our individual journeys. But you should still be making some type of stride in the direction you want to head in, in life. And if you are making the appropriate adjustments to being where you want to be, then you are allowed to have a league. And who are those people not allowed to have a league?

Well, the men and women who live at home with their parents, yet they demand that the person they date have their lives together. A woman who works a part-time job who demands her man has a substantial means of income; and man who lacks ambition wanting to not have a woman sitting around doing nothing. We seem to think that we’re all being rational in our relationship pursuits, until you ask the question, where are you in life. When you look over your life so far, are you proud to say that you are where you want to be? And a lot of people can’t say that. So if you are satisfied, then you are of the bunch that are on a collision course with greatness. And that my friend is the definition of a league. Asking for the things in life that you are willing to push for and/or have already that you expect from someone else.

In the end, we look on television, inside of a magazine, or browsing the internet. We look at certain people having a certain lifestyle and we say that is what I want. But instead of saying I will build it myself, or meet someone and we can build each other to that point, we want someone else to give us something. But we come into the situation with nothing, acting as if it is something, and that is our basis for a foundation. Then time pass, and you realize your league was a non-league. Now you must play catch-up in life before you get left behind. And hopefully you have not wasted too much time and you can rebound.


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WHEN BLOOD AINT BLOOD NO MORE: WHEN IT’S TIME TO CUT OFF FAMILY

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“Sometimes they’re worse than enemies.”


We are connected by blood, grew up with each other, and as you age you may have to cut them off: family. I have not had to make this decision, but there are people who have had to do so. I was listening to the radio when I heard a hip hop artist talk about having to cut off his own brother for stealing money from him. His brother stole $300,000 and now that relationship has to be severed. Because it’s not really about the money as it is about the idea of him ripping off his own family. How do you steal from someone so close to you? But that is when you see people’s real motives, and how far they are willing to go when they want something. So what are other reasons that one must cut off family from their lives? Well, what about the entitlement aspect of being related to someone.

In family, you are supposed to pull your weight and aid those in need when they do from themselves. But what happens when the person has this give me because we’re blood mentality. You are not entitled to have just because you’re blood. You’re also not obligated to care for family like a child or children, especially if the person/s are able-bodied adults. My grandmother told me about life growing up in the state of Mississippi. She said that every family had a plot of land, no matter how big or small. And it was very important you tended to that land everyday. Because if you didn’t tend to your land everyday, then you and family didn’t eat when crop came through for everyone else. Hopefully, a neighbor and/or family nearby had some leftover crop, otherwise you were screwed. And it was that thought process which kept people together. Kept people strong as one. You had to get up when everyone else was getting up and sleep as well.

But today, there is this built in ideology that since we have the same blood flowing through our veins we are indebted to each other. And what’s crazy is that we are not part of the architectural design of each other. You have to not only be there in good, but in bad as well. You have to expect to give as well as asking for something. And as my mother raised my sisters and myself, “If you don’t call that person on a consistent basis, then don’t call them when you need something.” She was telling us that you are supposed to deal on the basis of sentiment, not cents. Call them to say hello, not just because you see some benefit in it for you. And once it becomes a relationship built on I need, and give me, then you have to disconnect. Because now, the person/people don’t respect you anymore. Because it’s easy to make a demand when you have not done anything to get what you are asking for form the person.

In the end, it’s all about respect and boundaries. They have to understand you have a life and they have a life. There is nothing wrong with under-girding those that are close to you. But once the relationship comes to the point of me, me, me, and you’re sacrificing your own piece of mind, then you have to disconnect. Because you never love anyone more than you love yourself. Even if the it comes at the cost of losing people. You only have one obligation to one person in this world, and that is you. Help those around you, but understand that help is purely voluntary and not owed.


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LAWS OF ATTRACTION: WHY GOOD LOOKING IS MORE THAN LOOKING GOOD

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“You can’t help who you like.”


The laws of attraction are an aspect of our daily lives that is kind of hard to explain. I have had to deal with having an attraction to someone and that someone was actually in a relationship. But you can’t help the physiological feeling you get when you come across someone. They have a different impact on you that makes you kind of lose your cool. They have your undivided attention and for some reason, you tend to listen when they speak a lot more than others. I have had this exist only a few times in my life, and each time the person was in a monogamous relationship. Yet even with the relationship, it still didn’t matter because you have this feeling. Now, it’s not infatuation or the feeling to stalk, yet it makes you unfettered by the idea that that person is in a relationship. So where does this euphoric feeling come from.

I don’t know where it comes from, and my feeling was toward two coworkers in the same work environment. It wasn’t so much as the two people were physically attractive as it was their perceived confidence. Their assurance in themselves made them quite appealing to me. But was that all. Maybe the idea of me not being able to date them is something else that made them more attractive. Because it’s like the saying, “We all want something we can’t have.” And the problem is, is that once we do get the thing we wanted, sometimes it’s not even that big of a deal. The idea of wanting it seems that much more special, than actually having it. So like I asked before, “Where does it come from?” And I am not referring to just finding someone attractive. I’m talking about being so into them, that you don’t want to hurt their significant other, but the other is just not important to you.

Well, there all kinds of definitions for why we have these attractions to one another. You would think that there is this one aspect of life we can look to and say that, that it. But the reality is that attraction is not just a physical attraction, but the energy the person gives off. Me, for example, I give off the energy that I am not in the mood to be bothered. But in getting to know me, I have a lot of knowledge and a lot to say. But the problem is, is when you are an introvert in your personal life, and an extrovert in your career pursuits people get confused. When it comes to my career goals, I jump right out there. But my personal life is more of a, “Who is he, and why does he exist really.” Whereas my career pursuit is, “I jump, knowing I can and may fall flat on my face, but I do it anyways.” So when people find out I have an attraction to someone it strikes takes them by surprise because I am not this open book person.

In the end, the laws of attraction, the energy that someone lets off makes you like them for some reason. Whenever they come around, your mood shifts, and it becomes difficult to be in their presence. But you manage to do so, even at the cost sometimes of being uncomfortable internally. And sometimes, just sometimes; you are able to tell them how you genuinely feel.


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