FREE LOVE: HOW WOMEN’S RATIONALIZATION FOR MONOGAMY CAN HURT THEM

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“You’re not worth it, yet I’ll still engage.”


When observing women in relationships, I have taken notice to certain ways in which women have communicated the men they choose. And I have to say at times, when I hear the logic for why women talk to certain men, it is rather disturbing. And the reason I say disturbing is because you always hear women speak about not being able to find a good man. Yet the rationale for how women go about getting into a long lasting relationship at times tends to teeter on the fulcrum between irrational choices and insanity. And when I say insanity, I don’t mean seeking immediate help, I mean doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different outcome.

Now, what do I mean by all of this; I mean the irrationality starts with the method of choosing. See in the past, women had to bring home men to their fathers. That is not so much so the case in today’s society. And the reason for this is because men know men, but women seem to think in today’s society they do. So women tend to make decision on emotion, while it’s not that case for men. Initially, men Image result for women datemake choices on the basis of aesthetics. Sorry women, but no matter how smart you are, or what you have going for you, that is learned into the relationship. That very first introduction is what we see physically. So women in the past would bring the guy to meet dad. Dad went down this road himself, and he just knows the deal. But are there other methods of choosing that hurt women.

Yes, there are; and it has to do with sexuality. In today’s society, women have this taking back my sexuality viewpoint. But there are still some open gaps in the views. Like they’ll say, “The man I marry, I’m making him wait because I care, but the guy I don’t care about didn’t have to wait.” My response to you is, “Do you normally sleep with guys not worth your time?” Because look at the message Image result for women sexualityyou’re sending out. If someone isn’t worth your time, why are they getting into bed with you at all? Saying I give it up to this guy because he ain’t worth it devalues who you are in life. Something on a nature level is not being told here. There is something about the person you’re likely to spend life with that’s not interesting. Because using logic, the guy you wind-up with should have an easy life. Yet the one not worth it gets so much of your fun loving energy.

Now the insanity to all this, is the fact that women consistently get the same guy over and over. And like I said before about hoping for different outcomes, it becomes insane. You get two, maybe three of the same person. But once you Related imageconsistently date the same person, it’s no longer you getting the short end of the stick. There is something you like about the same person. You know there is a pattern, yet you like something about them. But the moment it goes really bad, you’re searching for answers as to why. And that is the craziest thing about women’s choices sometimes, is the scrambling for answers.

And in the end, that is the just of what women do at times when choosing a mate. You know in your gut things are bad. Yet at times, you will try to trick yourself into thinking otherwise. Whatever this person is providing you with outside what you need is keeping you there. And my best guess is that men who are worth being with and responsible are less passionate. We are taught to be providers, workers, productive, and efficient. Men not worth your time, bad boys, have no real ambition, goals, yet they are passionate in dating. Why, well it’s because they typically have nothing else they’re good at. So now women are left to choose between average passion and great man, or intense passion and shitty boyfriend.


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DOUBTERS: WHY YOU ACTUALLY NEED THE HATERS IN YOUR LIFE

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“You will never make it, so why try?”


We’re always taught in our lives to surround ourselves with good people.  Place yourself around those going in the same direction as you. But what happens when all of that is attempted to be derailed by someone who wants to kill your dreams. That means you have to work that much harder to make it happen yourself. Those dream killers are the doubters who either out loud or silently told you it would never happen. They are the ones who it didn’t work for them, and don’t want it to work for you. Where does it come from; why do they need to feel the need to bring you down? And why do you actually in a way need these type of people in your life.

Doubters are people who for a number of reasons may not want to see you succeed in your career of interests. You have the first group of doubters that are the ones that will tell you try something else. They are flat out not interested in anything you do. They see you in the present state and can’t see past that point. You’re perceived by them as a slacker or loser. So they can’t get around the loser that is you. So to them you’re going to always be what your are. Another group of doubters are the people whose careers didn’t pan out so they have to tell you how much it won’t work for you. To them, they couldn’t make it and there is no way you’re better than them. So they just know you’ll fail in life. And if you do succeed, they’ll find the most negative stuff to say about you.

The third group of doubters are the people who have their success and don’t want you to surpass them. To them, you are a threat and must be stopped. But they are not going to just stop you, they’ll be overly negative. The goal is to get you to quit because a lot of times you work for them. They are comfortable with you under them and can’t stand you above where they think you should be. Kind of how comedians have come out recently after Kevin Hart. They were fine when he was below them, now he’s way above them, and now there is every reason to say he doesn’t deserve it. But the last group of doubters are the flat out hate group. They usually have no real discernible talent, and need to bring you down. Because your success further shows how much of their life was a waste. Especially if they remember when both of you were at the bottom. It shows how much time they’ve wasted in their lives.

Now, with all that I have stated, why do we need these doubters? Well, first and foremost they push us to be better. There is no motivation like people telling you you’re not good enough. You work overtime to prove them wrong. But I think the biggest reason we need doubters is to gain an insight into the human psyche. People who doubt you expose aspects of their personality. And not because of criticism; but hate. Criticizing someone is fine when you have a solution to make a situation better. But hate for the sake of hate let’s you in on who the criticizers are internally. And in the end that’s the just of doubters. They have their own internal workings going on. But how they see you and who you really are is totally different. As long as you have self-awareness, what they say has no hold.


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DATING ALLEGATIONS: WOULD YOU TELL SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU ABOUT A CHEATING PARTNER

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“To talk or not to talk.”


Having a friend in a relationship can be a new adjustment if you guys have both been single for so long. Now this new person comes in the mix and everything is different. But that is not the topic of today; the topic of today is sharing information with your friend regarding their significant other. What if you had proof that your friend’s significant other was talking to someone else on the side? Would you inform your friend that this person was out talking to someone else? Or would you keep the information to yourself? Telling your friend could mean an argument depending on how they felt about the person. But keeping it a secret could mean jeopardizing the friendship as well.

Let’s observe the outcomes of telling your friend. See, if you tell your friend it could go a few ways. The first is that your friend is proud that you would bring the information to them. Allowing them the access into what is going on behind their backs is really important. But there is another outcome from telling them. That is that they might lash out at you for telling them. You don’t know how they feel and it could backfire ending a friendship. So, so many people tend to not say anything and leave the situation alone. But even that has repercussions to it. What are the repercussions for not telling your friend about their significant other?

That’s right, there is the other side of the coin. And that is not telling your friend what happened. This could have its own set of problems by not speaking. Because once your friend finds out what happened and you knew, now what comes of the friendship. When they found out you know, it will put a serious damper on the relationship. Especially if you are their best friend, they expect you to say something before anyone says something. So then if they are mad for you not saying anything, and mad for you saying anything, then what? And it all boils down to the friendship that you and this other person have together.

In the end, friends usually have an understanding whether they would want someone to say something. If you don’t have an understanding with your friend, then it can go good or bad. With no communication, it can go in any direction.



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GENERATION FAST TRACK: HOW THIS NEW SOCIAL MEDIA ERA IS RUINING A GENERATION’S DRIVE

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“In a fast paced world, with long term success.”


Google, Yahoo, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tinder, and way more. We are the generation that is used to instant gratification. You type it, it pops up in less than a few seconds. And if we just so happen to get a 15 second commercial clip we get antsy. And this behavior has to do with so Image result for social mediamuch moving so fast in today’s society. But when it comes to other areas of life, time seems to stand still. And there are two areas of interest where you don’t receive instant gratification: building a successful career and maintaining a successful monogamous relationship. These are two of the most important aspects of adulthood, and two of the hardest to tackle.

Yet, we struggle so much with the idea of having to build so long. Why does it take so long to build a career? For starters, initially, you’re building experience in the field of interest. Our generation wants someone to show us, kind of like working at a fast food restaurant. Then once we learn, we can start making Related imagethe big bucks. But it doesn’t quite work like that; you need more time. So you might think, what time, 6 months, 1 year? No, you should probably take close to 10 years of learning. And that’s when the onset of stress and depression set in. So much of your life is about in the now, that you hear 10 years and say to yourself, forget it. But 10 years is nothing when trying to build a career. As a matter of fact, I’m actually being nice when I say 10 years.

Nice! Yes, nice; it’s more like 15 to 20 years, maybe even close to 20. That’s why it’s best to start young and build. This way, hopefully, you’re still young by the time your career takes off. Then again, when you see someone young doing the things you want to do, you get discouraged. But you don’t know when they started. They could have started at age 19 years old, and are now Image result for GROWTH30/31 years old. We tend to look at the now, and say what you could have been. Don’t regret, you’re still young at 30 yourself, and you will be at 40 years of age. But so many see those who are what they could have been had they have started early.But now, they resent not working at what they want. Big mistake, you’re still young, start now.

But even with all I have written, what about relationships. With so many apps geared toward meeting someone and hoping up in just a matter of hours, no wonder good relationship are so hard to come by. How do we maintain a relationship when so much is based around a quick one hour encounter. But then you look at people who have been married for 25, 30, Related image40, 50, and some more years. And you ask yourself, “How did they make it that far?” Well, they made it that far because there was no rush when they first met. There was trial and error where people learned along the way. Now, there is no trial and error; if you screw up, you’re gone. Why, well there are more options today.

If the generations before us thought the way we do about relationships, I could only imagine what the state of relationships would look like today. There was a courting process in the past that involved not only you getting to know your partner, but the family you were marrying into. Now, it’s meet you today, sleep with you tomorrow, meet your family next week, marry a few months later, and then divorce five years after. Everything is so fast, yet Image result for goalswe want things to last long.We are way too impulsive in our society today. There is little thought that goes into our decisions that have long term effects. And in the end, the long term effects are what I am worried about. Will we wind-up hurting ourselves in the end? Will a generation become depressed and less driven because they are ill-prepared for the real world? Hopefully this is fear, and it dissipates as time goes on.


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RACIALLY CONSCIOUS: HOW BEING IMPARTIAL IN A DIVIDED NATION CAN BE TOUGH

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“It exist, but to what degree?”


Growing up in the Midwestern state of Wisconsin, I never really thought about race. And when I say race, I’m not referring to the human race. I’m talking about being an African American male. I could visibly tell the students in school were different than myself, yet it was not much of a discussion. The schools were predominantly White, while I grew up in a majority Black and Hispanic neighborhood. I would hear things regarding issues with being Black. I heard how people would say it was harder to get employment, going to certain schools, or even dating in monogamous relationships. Yet it never quite sunk into my mind, until I got older. And that’s when the experiences started to take hold in my life.

Experiences ranging from looking throughout my childhood at how the teacher student relationship was different with the White students versus the Black students. Or even how walking up the street I noticed non-Black people were put off by my presence. But still, the relationships I had with students in school was quite enjoyable. No one treated the other person like an outsider. And all the kids in school would go over each other’s house on the weekends. So what was it that so many people were talking about really? Well, I began to see once leaving my mother’s house going to an out-of-state-college.

I attended two universities, the first being in the state of South Carolina. The school was a historically Black College in Columbia, South Carolina and most of the students came from the south. Attending this school was actually a culture shock because even though we were all the same ethnic group, I didn’t quite seem to fit in. And that’s when I realized, that even though I grew up in a majority Black community, I didn’t spend much time in the community. With so much going on that my mother didn’t want me apart of, I was in school and sports. So what happened, oddly enough, is that I lost a connection with other Black students at the school.

Feeling homesick, I returned back to Wisconsin to attend a university about twenty minutes from where I grew up. This rural campus was attended by multiple ethnic groups of students. It would be the campus where I graduated. But, while back in Wisconsin, I had a situation one time where I was eating in the cafeteria. Seeing a young White male I went to middle school with, we got our lunch and headed toward a table. Then I noticed a situation I had never come in contact with before. One table had mostly Asian students, one table had all Black kids, the Hispanics sat together, and the White kids sat together. My friend and I walked near a table that was mostly White, and for the first time in my life I felt uncomfortable.

Growing up, my mother raised me with the impression that you had to deal with every group of people. Yet now, I was forced to make a racial decision. Everyone else sat with what made them comfortable, but what was I to do in this space. So, for me, throughout undergrad, I kept my distance from a lot of people. And actually, I never really experienced a college life. But even after college, and entering graduate school, I started to see more of a divide. But not only the divide, but how important it is in society. I have sense taken on views that are different than how my mother raised me.

One of which is the idea of interracial dating. Growing up, I probably would have said sure, but seeing the strain of an interracial relationship, I’m not sure I could handle it. I couldn’t handle the family tension, nor making the woman choose me or her existence. My views changed where I live because I still live in a Black neighborhood. That feeling of safety is why I have decided to stay. That common bond that you share with the people. And it’s a whole lot easier socially as well. Yet I am trapped between how I was raised and the society I live in today. I was raised to be more impartial, but that’s not my life experience in our country.

And in the end, no matter how you’re raised you have to live in this society. It’s great to have these idealistic views of the world, yet they are not fully true. It shouldn’t, but ethnicity matters: where you live, who you date, friends you tend to make, and how you view society. It’s an imperfect society, but it’s the only society we have. Do I see it changing, maybe, but not in the foreseeable future.


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PARENTAL BEHAVIOR: WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH HOW YOU VERBALLY COMMUNICATE RESPECT TO THE OTHER PARENT

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“They see and hear everything, so be careful how you speak.”


For me growing up, I saw my mother and father have disagreements. Not understanding at my age that arguing between adults is normal; especially when children are involved. And the way you communicate those disagreements have a major impact on young kids, all the way into their adulthood. So with that said, how should parents go about channeling their emotions, especially when the kids are in the vicinity? What are key mistakes that adults make when trying to win an argument over the other person? Or not just an argument, but what about the upper hand. Is it always important to win an argument, or is it best sometimes to just walk away? Let’s observe mistakes both men and women make during disagreements.

As it pertains to the man, we make some errors when trying to win over an argument. One of the more common errors is using our ability to go higher in yelling in an argument. Men are physically stronger, we’re known to dominate over the conversation. We take this dominance stance to show that we are the ones in control. It’s this nature driven response, especially if we fill we are losing control of the argument. But the biggest mistake we make is trying to use vulgar language to get our point across. Using expletives, especially calling the mother out of her name, is such a deflating and quick route to take in winning the conversation. But let me remind you, this isn’t a one way street.

On the part of the woman, the clear mistakes that a woman make is number one, belittling the father. Especially, when children are around, it sends a dangerous message that there is a clear lack of respect for the father. It also lets the kid see how they can behave when they get emotional as well. But another clear mistake women make is saying that these are their kids. Removing the father from the equation as if they have no voice in raising kids, just because she gave birth. This also sends a message that you have no real purpose. Just the person who provided the other DNA that the child is endowed with. After that, you don’t have a real duty or obligation, except to be the financial contributor.

Now, as it pertains to the children in the situation, they are watching and listening to both of you. And based on how you two communicate, the children can use this verbal communication to their advantage. And while the parents bicker between the two of them, the kid is able to live their lives how they see fit. Until something bad takes place, and both parents are left with their hands in the air because it’s partly their fault. While they were busy arguing and fighting, there was no guidance in the kid’s life because the two parents wanted to prove each other wrong. In the end, that’s the main reason there needs to be a civil form of communication between parents. Not just for the sake of their relationship, but for the child/children who may be nearby; watching and listening.


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CHOOSING A GAZELLE OVER A LION: WHY WOMEN CHOOSE WHAT’S NOT NATURAL

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“You want nice, oh I bet you do.”


When it comes to a relationship, women always state how much they want a nice guy. Yet they never quite choose that guy. And I have always looked at this from a nature driven standpoint. Where as we as a society don’t look at what is natural, we have a social view on the world and relationships. Meaning, a woman choosing a guy that is not too too nice, is not nature, but niceness is less natural. It’s the same reason why bad boys tend to win. Not because it’s bad behavior, but because at the core of what we are as men and as women, there is something that is nature driven about that bad person.

It’s like the lion and lioness in the wild. Nature dictates every decision they make with each other. When it’s mating season, there is no discussion of how they will mate, they just do. We as people are given a conscious, so we decide when we mate. Now the only difference between the lioness and the human woman is the human woman has choice over how and when she mates. A lioness in the wild just does what nature dictates. So this aggressive lion wants to mate, she lowers her body into position and mates without question. A woman may want the same thing, yet she will play a cat and mouse game. And sometimes, she (woman), might even mate with a nice, less aggressive guy.

Funny because you will never find a lioness mating with a less aggressor. A woman lioness in society might actually try to mate with a gazelle. Then she’ll say awe, he’s my friend. But he’s the friend because at the core of what we are as people, his energy is less attractive. It doesn’t work when you try mating with this gazelle, because you don’t mate with food. Sure, you’ll hang out and play with your food. Then when it’s time, you’ll eat your food. So why do it? Why do women put themselves through it? And a lot of it has to do with the society in which we live.

A lion and lioness live in an environment where they don’t control any of the factors of their system. We as people are endowed with the conscious mind to make certain decisions. Yet we try to bury the nature aspect of who we are and how we have evolved. And women are expected to be a certain way socially. Yet, they may feel somewhat different than the social. Meaning, we all have a feeling in the pit of our stomachs. But we have an editing system that we use before that feeling leaves our mouths. So now, woman may want a stronger male, but say she wants the weaker man because that stronger male makes her feel weaker and more vulnerable.

And no one wants to feel like they are weaker or in need. So what do women do, they choose men that are not the aggressor, but more submissive. Then they wonder why they are not attracted to these men. It’s nature, it’s just what it is. We don’t give nature enough credit for what it is. And in the end, that’s what it all boils down to; nature versus society. Society is constructed to make you as women believe you want one thing, but the inner feeling, that is you, says different. But not just society, but our conscious minds also, which is based around societal choices dictates how we behave as well. Yet we still continue to fight that which is most natural.


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