COPING WITH LOSS: HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

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“We all cope in different ways.”


One of the hardest, if not the hardest moment of your life is losing a loved one. We all have these ideas of how we’re going to deal with the situation. We even go as far as purchasing insurance and putting together wills for when that time comes. But even with all the preparation it’s still a sudden blow to the family. So what is your way in which you have learned to cope with the death of a close family member? We all have our way of dealing. I know in my life time I have lost three close relatives: all three were my grandparents. And even though they were elderly, you’re never ready for them to go.

Some people become what I call the reclusive types. They go and hide, and no one sees them for a very long time. The sudden death is too much for them to deal with, so they have to get away. It takes these people sometimes years to gain the courage to visit the grave site of a loved one. And depending on how they died, it could really have taken a toll on reclusive people. In addition to the death and how the person died, reclusive people might also be a solitary type of person anyways. So the death just added to the further recluse behavior.

Now the other group of people who cope with death are the people known as the abusive types. These are people who usually deal with a lose by turning to some form of self-deprecating behavior. The harm to ones’ self can come in the form of drugs, sex, and/or alcohol. They are people who already have a hard time dealing with any minimal lose. Now they have to live with this major lose. So it wears down on them to the point they themselves become a detriment to their lives and people around them.

Now, another group of people are known as the spiritual types. They look at death and try to find the religious angle in coping. Their belief is that the person is somewhere better than here. The struggle in life is over and the person is on to something far more greater. And this coping mechanism makes it easier to deal with their own mortality. The end is a very terrifying realization, so to be able to look death in the eyes and deal with that, it’s quite uplifting. Yet, there is still one more group of people who cope with death that is different than the rest.

The last group are the types that fall under the category of realist. They are geared toward a less spiritual outlook. Thy tend to be more scientific in their viewpoint. They don’t abuse alcohol or substances, nor do they become recluse. These realist look at life and go, we all will die. The human body is only made to live 40 years, so the fact that we get 78 years is a miracle in disguise. Anything beyond 78 years and life is fair to this bunch; beyond fair. To these people, why asks for more, when there is so much greatness right here on Earth to experience.

In the end, we all have ways that we deal with death. I can’t say one person’s way is better than another way. It’s however you’re able to deal with death. I’ll say that if I were more of one than the others, I would be more of the recluse type. It’s a lot easier for me to look at death out of mind out of sight. Still thinking about the person, but place the death somewhat to the back of your mind. I’ll remember more good times than bad so I don’t have to deal with the constant death reminder.


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