INTERNALIZED SHAME: WHY IT HURTS TO LIVE YOU IN SOCIETY

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“We all have it, but can’t admit it.”


In our society there is so many taboos that we live with in and around us. But there is one thing we hate to admit. And that is the things we like that make us who we are, yet there is shame connected. Connected because if people found out about the real us, it would make us uncomfortable. What’s interesting is that we all have something, yet we can’t openly talk about it. People who can, we admire them facing the society we live in head-on. We say these people are the ones that are living their truth. But why is it so hard for us to live our own truths?

It goes back to the taboos in our world. But what are some of these taboos that make us have this internal shame. An obvious one is the sexual things we like in our private lives. These things such as being attracted to the same sex. Or not just attracted to the same sex, but engaging in certain activities with the opposite that still may be defined as taboo. It makes us uncomfortable to talk about it. And anyone who brings up certain conversation around our thing we like, we veer away from them. But it still doesn’t change what you are and who you are. When the lights go out and you’re behind closed doors, you do what you do. Still, sex is one, but not the only action where shame is involved.

In society, we also converse a certain way because we don’t want to be shamed. So you adjust the way you talk just to fit into the dominant society. Then, when you are away from the people who you are forced to fake around, you show the real you. And if the people you fake around ever saw you in your element, then it might make you uncomfortable. You’re only being what they want you to be to fit in with them. When in reality, you earn respect from people by being what you are, not what you portray yourself to be. Fitting into a stratus that you don’t belong in, will only last so long before it consumes you.

Well, why do we do it. If so many of us have something, why are we quick to attack others for theirs. One idea I came up with is that we like to hear other people’s dirt and make them try to feel shame because it makes us feel better about ourselves. Someone else’s misery can be of a good thing to you if you’re in a dark place as well. But that also ties into people wanting to know you have dirt so they can feel connected to you as a person. They need something about you to feed off of so they can say, “Wow, they’re just as imbalanced as I am at times.” But a big reason is the hypocrisy of we don’t think people are watching us. We live in our own dirt and get so deep into it, we lose sight of how wrong it is and start to believe in our own bull.

In the end, the feeling of shame will always be there in an accepting society. Our country is more open than previous decades, yet the shame is still present. It will never go away, just because shame so ambiguous. You can feel shame about not only sex and behavior in society, but also other habits that are deemed less offensive, bu they carry some form of negative connotation. And with that, there will always be a demographic of people set aside waiting to judge.


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