ADULTHOOD: The Fear of Not Meeting Expectations

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“Failure to Launch or Fear of Launch?”

 As an adult, do some of us self sabotage or are some just flat out lazy at it pertains to working hard in life. There are young men and women who are in their early 30’s still living at home with their parents. And no, I am not talking about because they fell on hard times and need a place to crash until they get on their feet. I am speaking of the people who have this failure to launch. But is it always the failure to launch, or the fear of launching.

First let’s observe the failure to launch. A topic that has actually been produced into a feature film starring Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker. Why do so many men and women almost self sabotage to keep from stepping into the real world. Well, in the movie, McConaughhey fiance died, which sent him on this spiral of not moving out of his parent’s house. In my opinion, people get comfortable in an environment where they don’t have to try too hard because they can’t handle the pressure that comes with succeeding.

That not wanting to grow up does not just relate to living at home. It also extends into people’s intimate relationships as well. A guy meets a female, but still lives at home with his parents at age 29 years old. The female excepts it at first, but wonders why he won’t move in with her. I tries everything in his power to not have to leave the comforts of his parent’s house. She winds-up leaving him for a more stable man with his own place. Well, why wouldn’t he just move in with her? He’s 29 years old; you would think a man almost 30 years old would move in with his girlfriend.

The reality is no, he just wants to live at home. Why, because at home no dishes to wash, mom makes his meals, mom washes his clothes. He does nothing much for himself. So responsibility becomes the reason for his inability to grow-up. Or is it his fear of launching. Maybe he has this fear that is engrained that is not based around laziness. More so it is a fear that if he launches, he will crash. Not everyone who shoots off the launch pad soars, some people crash.

But isn’t that part of life is crashing? Don’t every successful person have a low moment in their lives where they crash. Resilience; how well you bounce back is the key to overcoming these obstacles. You would think parents would instill these principles in their children. Or maybe they do, and children still carry fear. Now you go, “What 30 year old man is afraid to launch?” “By this age you know failure happens.” “You know the climb to what you want in life takes long hard work.” “So what is it really?”

To further what I said earlier about being comfortable, allowing someone else to take on the responsibility is comfortable, too comfortable. The only problem is that if that person shall get sick or die, you’re screwed. Now you’re forced to live in society that is unfamiliar to you because you never had to hunt for what’s yours. You don’t know real disappointment so you don’t have the ability to bounce back. In the end it’s detrimental and can lead to loss of relationships, friendships, job opportunities, personal issues (depression and loss of confidence), and parental shame. There will always be people with a fear or failure step into the world. Doesn’t have to be you, and can stop tomorrow if you’re willing to put in the work.

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